Resentment.
We may not use the word in our verbally, but how many times is it manifested in our actions and deeds?
Not sure if you've experienced resentment before?
What exactly is resentment?
Resentment defined:
- The excitement of passion which proceeds from a sense of wrong offered to ourselves, or to those who are connected with us;
- Anger - Resentment is synonymous with anger but expresses less than wrath,
exasperation and indignation;
- To perceive an injury or an offense; To take an injury deeply
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Symptoms of Resentment (not an exhaustive list) are:
- (A) Anger - To strangle; vex; to strain or draw together; press; squeeze; make
narrow (to choke the life out of)
- (B) Indignant - Affected at once with anger and disdain; feeling the
mingled emotions of wrath and scorn or contempt, as when a person is exasperated at one
despised, or by a mean action, or by the charge of a dishonorable act;
Anger or extreme anger, mingled with contempt, disgust or abhorrence
- (C) Exasperation - Highly angered or irritated; provoked; enraged;
embittered; increased in violence; extreme degree of ange
- (D) Violence; or violent attitude - To assault; to injure; (to offend); moving or acting with physical strength;
urged or driven with force [as a violent wind]; moral force; vehement;
outrage; unjust force; hurt; produced or continued with force; not natural;
severe (extremely emotional and/or unreasonable)
- (E) Offended & Offensive - Displeased; anger or moderate anger; cause of stumbling; scandal; injury in relationship to offended;
Causing displeasure or some degree of anger; (rude behavior); giving pain
or unpleasant sensations; disagreeable; assailant, invading; making the first
attack; also offensiveness means the quality that offends or displeases
which manifests in emotionalism; rude manner of speaking; evil plotting;
and manipulative behavior
- (F) Unforgiveness - Refusing to release or overlook or pardon offenses
Keep in mind-the 'symptoms' of Resentment don't just appear out of the blue.
The symptoms are nurtured...babysat, if you will.
In our vulnerability we play over in our heads the scene (which includes the person who hurt us) continually.
Example:
Perhaps you were treated unfairly as a child or maybe your parent still shows bias against you. Instead of allowing God to heal you, which includes forgiving the erring parent-you hold onto the memories of mistreatment. When your siblings or another member of the family speaks highly of the offending parent, you're unable to do so because you have held onto the pain you've incurred by the hurtful parent.
The negative responses about the hurtful parent occurs on a regular basis. You are not happy about that parent's successes, and you're almost happy when an adverse situation happens upon your parent.
You are envious of the relationship the parent has with your siblings, and may have even wished ill-will upon the parent. What happens after a while (when the parent does not act the way YOU want them to) is direct your anger towards your siblings for having the relationship you wished you had with your parent. That resentment causes alienation between you and your siblings. You visit the family less frequently, because of the resentment you harbor. And because you are unable to express what and why you're feeling the way you do, confusion (arguments, accusations) ensues. Your visits to the family an family gatherings become infrequent and you hope someone takes notice. When the reaction of the family is not what YOU want it to be, you cut the family off.
That ripple is far reaching as it impacts the rest of the family.
Or...
There is a person at your church who is loved by everyone, let's call her 'Sadie.'
Sadie gets the attention from the pastor and other members of leadership, that you feel you're entitled to. You believe you have gifts and talents that are going unused, while Sadie is a part of every auxiliary. Although Sadie has not personally offended you-she speaks and hugs you every chance she gets- you will speak negatively of Sadie, whenever possible.
The longer you are 'ignored,' the angrier you become.
You become less sociable at church.
You leave immediately after service, instead of talking to church members as you formerly did. You sit at the rear of the church, now. You've isolated yourself.
Later, as time progresses and your gifts and talents haven't been utilized-your anger, jealousy, envy...RESENTMENT has now festered. Not only are you upset at Sadie (through no fault of her own), you are now angry with the pastor and members of leadership for not realizing your talents and giftings.
It is shortly thereafter, you decide to leave the church. You mull that decision over, and before you leave the church, you hope someone approaches you and asks about your happiness at the church, or maybe an elder will ride up to you on a beautiful white horse, apologize profusely for not having used you in church, kick Sadie to the curb, and you are appointed as the pastor's right hand person.
How did they ever go on without you??
Realistically, it is unrealistic to expect change to come when you refuse to change. In both examples above, the person with resentment did not communicate.
The communication needed was with Christ.
The attention needed is from Christ.
In the 10th Chapter of John, Christ describes himself as a door. Verse 9 says, '...by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture.' In verse 10, Christ goes on to say He came to give us life. But not any kind of life. He came to give us a life of abundance. Our life should be filling and fulfilling.
Contrary to prosperity doctrine-money is not the way, but Christ IS. Money will not buy you out of depression. Money cannot bring a family together, but it can most certainly tear a family apart.
For those who long for a relationship with their parents, PRAY and ask God to help you FORGIVE your parents for not being the kind of parents you needed. And then ask God to HELP YOU to ACCEPT your parents as they are.
Psalms 27:10 says, 'When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.' Yes it's painful not having the love of a parent, but the LOVE OF God, transcends all love. Our parents CAN NEVER love us the way God can.
The 25th Psalms is a crying out to God.
the 18th stanza says:
"Look on my affliction and my pain; and forgive all my sins."
David asked God to take note of his pain. But what did he ask for afterwards? He asked for forgiveness.
When our hearts are troubled, when we've been hurt by those we care about, pray unto God and ask him to 'look on' your affliction and your pain, but DON'T forget to ask for forgiveness.
The same mercy and grace we ask our Father to have towards us, as Christians we are to have towards those who have hurt us. How many times have we disappointed God? How many times has He forgiven us?
Resentment ends when we choose to end it.
When we decide to let go of the hurt, bitterness, neglect etc and give it to God and leave it with Him, our lives will change. We may even see the parents who hurt us as fallible human, we may find out the sacrifices Sadie makes on behalf of the church, are not sacrifices we're willing to make.
How has resentment and bitterness helped you and your relationships?
How can God help you, and your relationships?
God bless you, sisters.
TOUCH YOUR HEART MINISTRIES
"Touching Your Heart With the Love of God
Changing Your Life With The Word of God"-John 6:63
1 comment:
Thank you for this post. God has really done a deep work in me concerning the resentment I had toward others. God bless you.
Cherilynn
www.prayersolutions.com
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